Too Much

Our sweet girl will be two in August.  TWO!  I can hardly believe it myself.

Today as I was putting her down for a nap, I was thinking about attachment parenting.

When she would go down at night or for naps as a baby she was rocked or slept in our arms.  Finally a little bit before she was one year old she didn't want to be rocked anymore.  We'd just put her in bed and she'd sleep on her own. 

We recently went on a trip and since getting back she won't go down on her own anymore.  She wants one of us to lie down with her.  So we do. 

Some people may say that this is too much.  That she should cry it out until she goes to sleep. 

The thing is, we never let her cry it out.  When she cries, we respond.  She is picked up, hugged, kissed, rocked, etc.

Why do we do this?  Because she's still little and needs us. 

Someone recently said something about not holding their little one all the time.  That he needs to learn to self soothe.  That she won't hold him all that time because that's what he wants.  Well, of course that's what he wants!!!  Babies love to be held.

My thing is, when your little one is out of the house (at college or has a new family) will you sit on the couch and think, "If only I held her less".  "If only I rocked her less."  "If only I loved on her less." 

When my sweet girl leaves our home, I want to remember rocking her, loving her, lying in bed snuggling with her, dancing around with her, her in my arms with her sweet head on me. 

I don't want to remember her screaming her head off while I ignore her and tend to myself.  Me time died when she was born.  It isn't about me anymore. 

So I guess the message of this post is there is never too much love for a little one.  You can't hold them too much or kiss them too much or hug them too much. 

I know in 16 or some years I will look back with loving and fond memories of the time I shared with her.

 

Daddy and baby bedsharing

Crying it Out

I've been hearing a lot about "cry it out" lately on a baby board that I frequent.  For those of you who don't know, crying it out, or CIO, is when you let your baby cry in hopes of him learning how to "self-soothe".  Some people will let baby cry for a set time then go in to comfort baby, but NOT pick the baby up.  Others just let baby cry until he falls asleep (probably from exhaustion).

There is going to be a time in almost every parent's life where one considers CIO.  Maybe baby won't let you put him down.  Maybe baby isn't sleeping well.  Whatever the reason, CIO is never a good idea.  The only time I think it's okay to let the baby cry is if you are at your breaking point (put baby in a safe place and walk away), or you need to do something quick and the baby will only be crying for five minutes (tops). 

The only times we let Em cry is when we really need to do something and holding her just isn't an option.  If I'm making her a bottle or getting her meds ready or if I need to eat and I'm alone....  these are the times she may cry for a bit, but never long.  I would never just let her cry in hopes of teaching her how to soothe herself.

CIO is so popular that Harvard did a study on it.  I find their results quite interesting.

"The pair examined child-rearing practices here and in other cultures and say
the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds - even
separate rooms - and not responding to their cries may lead to more
incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders among American
adults.  The early stress due to separation causes changes in infant brains that
makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons
and Miller."

This makes sense then as to why so many adults are on meds for anxiety and why so many children have had panic attacks before the age of eight.  Something has changed to cause this to happen (I certainly didn't have panic attacks when I was eight). 

So basically, Em will never have to CIO. One of us will always be there to pick her up and hold her.  She is attached to my hip these days and that is okay!

"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms
the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to
future trauma."
- Dr. Michael Commons, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard

Why I still sit in the back

I've seen enough Baby Stories and Bringing Home Baby to know that new moms always sit in the back with baby on their way home from the hospital.  I so looked forward to this moment.

When DH pulled up and the nurses wheeled DD and me out to our car, I was so excited!  DH carefully helped me up into the back and DD was already latched in.  I sat in the back looking at her cute face and was talking away to DH.

I sat in the back with her a couple more times before trying to sit up front.  The first time I sat up front she did NOT like it one bit.  She cried and cried.

So, I sit in back with her still.  Yes, for the past five months, I have been sitting in the back with her.  Now when I'm driving, of course she is back there alone, but whenever it's both of us, I'm back there. 

Why do I still do it?  Because I like it.  I like to talk to her about the things we see and where we are going (and what we are going to buy), I like to hold her hand and rub her face.  I like to sing with her and show her toys.  I love when she looks over at me and smiles.  I like it when she falls asleep in her seat. 

Someone once told me "No baby ever died from crying".  That may be true, but why make your baby cry if it isn't needed?

Bed sharing and co-sleeping

When DD first came home, she only slept on me in bed.  When she was a couple weeks old I was able to put her in her bassinet and she slept well there.

Well she recently outgrew her bassinet.  I knew I didn't want her in her crib (too far away from our room), but I didn't know where to put her.  I was scared to put her between hubby and myself as he is such a heavy sleeper.

So I tried putting her in her playpen, but that didn't work.  Too much space and she would be all over it, waking up lying in a different spot than where I put her.

My SIL suggested putting her in bed with us.  When I told her my concerns she mentioned using a guard rail.  Doh!  Why that never came to my mind I don't know.  Luckily I had one in a box in our garage so I got it out, washed it down, and set it up.  Since then DD has been in bed with us, between me and the rail.

There are many people who disagree with bedsharing, but it works for us.  I sleep better having her right there (I can easily check if she's breathing) and she sleeps better (nice and warm).  So we like having her there.  I know that some people say it's not good, she'll be with us forever, etc....

That's fine though.  If she is scared and needs her parents, she is more than welcome to come into bed with us.  I don't ever want her to feel scared or alone.  We don't sleep alone, so why should she?  And if you do your research, you will see that less than 2% of SIDS cases happen because of bedsharing.  That means most of these cases occur with babies who are sleeping ALONE. 

So there it is out in the open...  I love my sweet little girl being in bed with us!  I love the little piggy noises she makes.  I love when she makes these deep sighs.  I love when she keeps moving closer to me.  I love looking over at her and watching her sleep so peacefully.

Maybe in a few years I will regret having her in bed with us, but I doubt it!

Spoiling DD

New mom, don't let others tell you that you will "spoil" your baby.

If your baby cries, tend to her.  If she wants to be given a "house tour" (what my husband calls holding her and walking her around) then give her one (or a million).  If she has already eaten 6 oz. but is still hungry, make her 2 more.

Because you will soon see that they aren't this little forever.  Soon enough they will be breaking curfew, asking for the car keys, and putting themselves to sleep.